*for brent*

I wish i could explain...

Exactly how i feel
When my hand fits perfectly in yours
And exactly what i see
When we just sit and watch the stars

I wish i could define...

Exactly what you mean to me
What it is that makes me love you
And what about you makes me happy

I wish that you could understand...

How your love has saved me
And how just being with you
Makes my world seem complete

But some things are far beyond
Any word or comprehension of man
But if there was just one thing
That I could make you understand
It would be that I LOVE YOU
and that love has no end

All I Want for Christmas

uummm....this one kind of just came to me

Christmas can be so lonely
When you can't spend it with a family
The gifts we get are great
And for Christmas morning we can't wait
But Santa I want something more
Whether it's too much to ask
I'm not sure

But Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a Mom and a Dad
To kiss and tuck me in at night
And Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a mom to read me stories
And a dad who throws a ball
Even if it's not quite right
Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a family to love

And Santa if you think you can
I wouldn't mind a few kids more
That I can play with when I'm bored
Maybe a sister who's real sweet
And likes to dress me up
Or a brother who's older
And makes the bullies go away

Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a Mom and a Dad
To kiss and tuck me in at night
No they don't have to be perfect
Because I know they'll be just right
Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a family to love

Somewhere around the world that night
God heard a prayer that fit just right

Jesus all we want for Christmas
Is a child that we can hold
And kiss and tuck in bed at night
No they don't have to be perfect
Because we know they'll be just right
Jesus all we want for Christmas
Is a child that we can love

she says

I wanna change the world
She says, she says
Do something to be remembered for
She says, she says
I wanna meet the man of my dreams
She says, she says
I wanna have a child who looks like me
She says

She says I wanna fall in love
I wanna travel the world just because
She says I wanna have a family
I wanna make someone's day
I wanna leave my mark on this world
She says, she says

Your words can't hurt me
She says, she says
Nothing in life comes free
She says, she says
You gotta chase your dreams
She says, she says
You gotta have faith and believe
Dreams are not impossible, she says

She says I wanna fall in love
I wanna travel the world just because
She says I wanna have a family
I wanna make someones day
I wanna leave my mark on this world
She says, she says

She went on to see Jesus
And on the day she died
Her daughter stood up to speak

She says I look just like my mama
And I sound like her too
I hope that my life will be like hers too

She says my mama fell in love
She travelled the world just because
She says my mama raised a family
She always knew how to make your day
She was a beautiful woman
She left a beautiful mark on this world
she says, she says

I'll Be Waiting

It was the summer
Before I turned fifteen
I was in wonder
Of why you pursued me
Didn't feel that I
Deserved your love
And now two years later I wonder
Why I gave you up

Walking away from you
Was one of my greatest mistakes
One that I would gladly take
Back if I could
Now you've moved on
She's the apple of your eye
I'm still wondering why

I did everything I could
To push you away
Because I thought you would
Not like the me beyond what you see
But now I know that I
Was telling myself a lie
And I'm still wondering why

Walking away from you
Was one of my greatest mistakes
One that I would gladly take
Back if I could
Now you've moved on
She's the apple of your eye
I'm still wondering why

One day she just up and stopped
Talking to you
You did all that you could do
Just to find out why
She's not the same girl
She used to be

Now I'm wondering why
She's still the apple of your eye
You sit around and wait for her
When she's moving on to someone new

So if you change your mind
And want to give us a try
I'll be waiting for you
To stop waiting for her

Bad Day (not a reference to Daniel Powter)

Today has definately been "one of those days". Basically, a day of disappointment. Disappointed by friends and by adults I respected and admired. I have never so strongly desired to just shout GROW UP at the top of my lungs. I have never seen so much immaturity as I have witnessed today. Part of growing up is taking responsibility. Maybe its not entirely your fault, but you still messed up. Don't worry about the other person, take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Another part of growing up is, after admitting your mistake, apologizing and accepting your punishment with humility. Then, you move on and try to do better. I respect people who do this. Unfortunately, today I lost a lot of respect for adults and ellow students I looked up to. It was sad to see parents acting as immature as their children when they should be the adults in the situation. What kind of example are they setting? In the real world, you can't throw down everytime things don't go your way. It just doesn't work like that! Besides this, I had to sit back idly while someone I love was spoken to in an extremely undeserved and extremely disrespectful manner. I know I shouldn't be angry at these people, but it is hard not to be knowing they hurt someone I do love and respect. I pray that God will help me to love them and respect them despite current circumstances. As awful as today was, I do have faith that God will bring good out of it.

I Won't Give In

Come on you know you want to
No one's going to see you
Just this once won't hurt
I know you don't think you should
But it will make you feel good
Just a few more steps back this way
Come on now, what do you say?

I won't give in
I won't give up
You're reaching up to pull me down
But God's reaching down to pull me up
I won't go back
I won't lose hope
I won't give in
I won;t give up
Because God hasn't given up on me

You know all the right words to say
To bring me down today
You've put me through this test in life
Hoping I would fail
It's not you that defines me
It's God inside of me
And we will prevail

I won't give in
I won't give up
You're reaching up to pull me down
But God's reaching down to pull me up
I won't go back
I won't lose hope
I won't give in
I won;t give up
Because God hasn't given up on me

Home Sweet Home

I never though that I would ever say this, but last week I genuinely missed this small town. Pine Grove was a much needed experience, but it definately wasn't home. And, while I joke about how awful it was, it was in God's plan for me to be there. God used those doctors and some of the other girls to help me a lot. I am definately just pulling out of the driveway on my road to recovery, but at least the wheels are turning. I now realize that I have to eat to survive, but when I do eat it seems as if the food inside is killing me emotionally. I cannot say that my thought process has really changed. Whenever I eat there is still a war inside my mind. Part of me is glad that I am eating because I want to be healthy so that I can serve my God fully. The other part of me is angry at myself for eating because I am gaining weight. Here is where the difference lies. David was able to stand up to Goliath with God's help. I feel as if this eating disorder is the giant in my life. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. Casting Crowns recorded a song entitled "The Voice of Truth". In the song it says "The giant is calling out my name and he laughs at me. Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed. The giant keeps on telling me time and time again boy (girl) you'll never win. Oh, you'll never win. But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story. The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid. The Voice of Truth says this is for my glory. Out of all the voice calling out to me I WILL CHOOSE TO LISTEN AND BELIEVE THE VOICE OF TRUTH!!!" In this way my thinking has changed. Through lots of prayer and "journaling my emotions" God is helping me to listen to the Voice of Truth, not the giant. The giant is way stronger than me on my own, however, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!!!! Praise God!