Home Sweet Home

I never though that I would ever say this, but last week I genuinely missed this small town. Pine Grove was a much needed experience, but it definately wasn't home. And, while I joke about how awful it was, it was in God's plan for me to be there. God used those doctors and some of the other girls to help me a lot. I am definately just pulling out of the driveway on my road to recovery, but at least the wheels are turning. I now realize that I have to eat to survive, but when I do eat it seems as if the food inside is killing me emotionally. I cannot say that my thought process has really changed. Whenever I eat there is still a war inside my mind. Part of me is glad that I am eating because I want to be healthy so that I can serve my God fully. The other part of me is angry at myself for eating because I am gaining weight. Here is where the difference lies. David was able to stand up to Goliath with God's help. I feel as if this eating disorder is the giant in my life. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. Casting Crowns recorded a song entitled "The Voice of Truth". In the song it says "The giant is calling out my name and he laughs at me. Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed. The giant keeps on telling me time and time again boy (girl) you'll never win. Oh, you'll never win. But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story. The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid. The Voice of Truth says this is for my glory. Out of all the voice calling out to me I WILL CHOOSE TO LISTEN AND BELIEVE THE VOICE OF TRUTH!!!" In this way my thinking has changed. Through lots of prayer and "journaling my emotions" God is helping me to listen to the Voice of Truth, not the giant. The giant is way stronger than me on my own, however, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!!!! Praise God!