All I Want for Christmas

uummm....this one kind of just came to me

Christmas can be so lonely
When you can't spend it with a family
The gifts we get are great
And for Christmas morning we can't wait
But Santa I want something more
Whether it's too much to ask
I'm not sure

But Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a Mom and a Dad
To kiss and tuck me in at night
And Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a mom to read me stories
And a dad who throws a ball
Even if it's not quite right
Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a family to love

And Santa if you think you can
I wouldn't mind a few kids more
That I can play with when I'm bored
Maybe a sister who's real sweet
And likes to dress me up
Or a brother who's older
And makes the bullies go away

Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a Mom and a Dad
To kiss and tuck me in at night
No they don't have to be perfect
Because I know they'll be just right
Santa all I want for Christmas
Is a family to love

Somewhere around the world that night
God heard a prayer that fit just right

Jesus all we want for Christmas
Is a child that we can hold
And kiss and tuck in bed at night
No they don't have to be perfect
Because we know they'll be just right
Jesus all we want for Christmas
Is a child that we can love

she says

I wanna change the world
She says, she says
Do something to be remembered for
She says, she says
I wanna meet the man of my dreams
She says, she says
I wanna have a child who looks like me
She says

She says I wanna fall in love
I wanna travel the world just because
She says I wanna have a family
I wanna make someone's day
I wanna leave my mark on this world
She says, she says

Your words can't hurt me
She says, she says
Nothing in life comes free
She says, she says
You gotta chase your dreams
She says, she says
You gotta have faith and believe
Dreams are not impossible, she says

She says I wanna fall in love
I wanna travel the world just because
She says I wanna have a family
I wanna make someones day
I wanna leave my mark on this world
She says, she says

She went on to see Jesus
And on the day she died
Her daughter stood up to speak

She says I look just like my mama
And I sound like her too
I hope that my life will be like hers too

She says my mama fell in love
She travelled the world just because
She says my mama raised a family
She always knew how to make your day
She was a beautiful woman
She left a beautiful mark on this world
she says, she says

I'll Be Waiting

It was the summer
Before I turned fifteen
I was in wonder
Of why you pursued me
Didn't feel that I
Deserved your love
And now two years later I wonder
Why I gave you up

Walking away from you
Was one of my greatest mistakes
One that I would gladly take
Back if I could
Now you've moved on
She's the apple of your eye
I'm still wondering why

I did everything I could
To push you away
Because I thought you would
Not like the me beyond what you see
But now I know that I
Was telling myself a lie
And I'm still wondering why

Walking away from you
Was one of my greatest mistakes
One that I would gladly take
Back if I could
Now you've moved on
She's the apple of your eye
I'm still wondering why

One day she just up and stopped
Talking to you
You did all that you could do
Just to find out why
She's not the same girl
She used to be

Now I'm wondering why
She's still the apple of your eye
You sit around and wait for her
When she's moving on to someone new

So if you change your mind
And want to give us a try
I'll be waiting for you
To stop waiting for her

Bad Day (not a reference to Daniel Powter)

Today has definately been "one of those days". Basically, a day of disappointment. Disappointed by friends and by adults I respected and admired. I have never so strongly desired to just shout GROW UP at the top of my lungs. I have never seen so much immaturity as I have witnessed today. Part of growing up is taking responsibility. Maybe its not entirely your fault, but you still messed up. Don't worry about the other person, take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Another part of growing up is, after admitting your mistake, apologizing and accepting your punishment with humility. Then, you move on and try to do better. I respect people who do this. Unfortunately, today I lost a lot of respect for adults and ellow students I looked up to. It was sad to see parents acting as immature as their children when they should be the adults in the situation. What kind of example are they setting? In the real world, you can't throw down everytime things don't go your way. It just doesn't work like that! Besides this, I had to sit back idly while someone I love was spoken to in an extremely undeserved and extremely disrespectful manner. I know I shouldn't be angry at these people, but it is hard not to be knowing they hurt someone I do love and respect. I pray that God will help me to love them and respect them despite current circumstances. As awful as today was, I do have faith that God will bring good out of it.

I Won't Give In

Come on you know you want to
No one's going to see you
Just this once won't hurt
I know you don't think you should
But it will make you feel good
Just a few more steps back this way
Come on now, what do you say?

I won't give in
I won't give up
You're reaching up to pull me down
But God's reaching down to pull me up
I won't go back
I won't lose hope
I won't give in
I won;t give up
Because God hasn't given up on me

You know all the right words to say
To bring me down today
You've put me through this test in life
Hoping I would fail
It's not you that defines me
It's God inside of me
And we will prevail

I won't give in
I won't give up
You're reaching up to pull me down
But God's reaching down to pull me up
I won't go back
I won't lose hope
I won't give in
I won;t give up
Because God hasn't given up on me

Home Sweet Home

I never though that I would ever say this, but last week I genuinely missed this small town. Pine Grove was a much needed experience, but it definately wasn't home. And, while I joke about how awful it was, it was in God's plan for me to be there. God used those doctors and some of the other girls to help me a lot. I am definately just pulling out of the driveway on my road to recovery, but at least the wheels are turning. I now realize that I have to eat to survive, but when I do eat it seems as if the food inside is killing me emotionally. I cannot say that my thought process has really changed. Whenever I eat there is still a war inside my mind. Part of me is glad that I am eating because I want to be healthy so that I can serve my God fully. The other part of me is angry at myself for eating because I am gaining weight. Here is where the difference lies. David was able to stand up to Goliath with God's help. I feel as if this eating disorder is the giant in my life. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. Casting Crowns recorded a song entitled "The Voice of Truth". In the song it says "The giant is calling out my name and he laughs at me. Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed. The giant keeps on telling me time and time again boy (girl) you'll never win. Oh, you'll never win. But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story. The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid. The Voice of Truth says this is for my glory. Out of all the voice calling out to me I WILL CHOOSE TO LISTEN AND BELIEVE THE VOICE OF TRUTH!!!" In this way my thinking has changed. Through lots of prayer and "journaling my emotions" God is helping me to listen to the Voice of Truth, not the giant. The giant is way stronger than me on my own, however, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!!!! Praise God!

Author of my Life

*Luke 22:42
"Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but Yours be done."

The day is coming to an end
Another page written in my life
Reflecting on time spent
And wondering what comes next
Anxious to discover
What the next page will reveal
To experience another
Plot of life unfolding

So take Your all knowing hand
And turn another page
In Your perfect plan
I'm letting go
And giving all control
To the world's greatest writer
The author of my life

With each chapter I'm living
I realize what I've been given
Though You knew I would stray
You send forgiveness my way
It's comforting within
To know You've written the end
You know what happens next
Because of that I'm so blessed

So take Your all knowing hand
And turn another page
In Your perfect plan
I'm letting go
And giving all control
To the world's greatest writer
The author of my life

I pray that when I try to take control
And write the next page on my own
That You'll take the pen from my hand
And remind me of Your plan again
I want to trust only You to write
The story of my life

So take Your all knowing hand
And turn another page
In Your perfect plan
I'm letting go
And giving all control
To the world's greatest writer
The author of my life

OCD

Laid back, roll with the punches, take things as they come, face one day at a time...all good qualities that honestly do not describe me AT ALL. OCD is the term often used to describe me. I have come to accept that I am a perfectionist neat freak who over stresses about everything and with that comes the need to constantly feel in control. Not in charge per say, I am not saying that i have to be in charge of everything, but as far as my life goes, I feel the need to be in complete control. This has always been one of my main struggles in my walk with God because it is so hard for me to turn over control of every aspect of my life. I have always wanted to have an exact itinerary of my life. When I am unsure of something, I stress, worry, and become super anxious. Lately God has really been teaching me to trust Him with what comes next. My life has been so upside down lately and that has stresses me greatly. However, God has given me comfort through His word that it is okay if I don't know what tomorrow will bring. It is okay if I am unsure about what to do in every situation because God knows what will happen. God has already "read my story". I have begun to compare my life to a novel in the sense that God knows how it ends and He knows what the next "chapter" will bring and while I am anxious to "stay up all night" and find out what happens next, I don't have to be anxious. I have always wanted to be in control, but because I'm not I can relax. God is in control.

Surrender

*2 Samuel 22:30
With my God I can scale a wall


You say you've had enough
You're tired of playing these games
No longer possible to hide
You hold your head down in shame
Because when you try to look up
The mountain seems to high
And every time you try to climb
You fall flat on your face
You feel like your life is just a waste
Well hold your head up high

God is on your side
Lay your life in His hands
He will help you stand
When that mountain makes you feel so small
Don't lose hope
With God you can scale a wall
Surrender all

You think that no one understands how you feel
The whole world is against you
You can't understand why this happened to you
You feel alone and unsure of what to do
Be strong
Keep holding on

God is on your side
Lay your life in His hands
He will help you stand
When that mountain makes you feel so small
Don't lose hope
With God you can scale a wall
Surrender all

God, I lay it all down
I give it all to You
I need You alone
I can't stand on my own
This mountain makes me feel so small
Oh God, help me climb this wall
I surrender all

Faith Like A Child

Matthew 18:3-4 says "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven". I have read these verses countless times, but their meaning was more evident to me tonight than it has ever been. Teenagers are constantly told to watch what they say and what they do because children are watching us. This becomes evident as time moves on. As teenagers, we are all aware that children do look up to us and imitate our every move. There are days when we are approached by children we don't even know and yet they know who we are and everything we are involved in at school. It is amazing to realize just how much these children want to be just like you even though you may not have done anything special in your mind. While babysitting tonight, Olivia asked me to teach her a cheerleader dance. It's not the first time we had done this, but tonight she really captured my attention with this activity. We did the usual as far as I was in front and she was in back watching what I was doing. However, this time I was in front of the mirror and was able to watch Olivia. I really zoned in on the fact that she never took her eyes off of what I was doing and she tried to do exactly what I did. When I turned around and smiled she said "I'm trying to follow all of your steps so I can do it exactly like you." As soon as she said that, these verses in Matthew popped into my head. I finally began to comprehend faith like a child. If in our lives we would humble ourselves and become the student in the way we live and allow Jesus to teach, what would happen? What would the world be like if, like Olivia, we stood back and let Jesus lead? If we never took our eyes off of Him and our greatest desire was to follow His every step so that we could live like Him? I can only imagine what God could do through our lives if we were completely sold out for Him with faith like a child.

Plans Change

Today has been one of those days. As high school is quickly closing in on me, The stresses of life after is beginning to set in. I know I still have another year and the rest of this one, but I swear it feels like last week was the first day of my Sophomore year, and yet, it is October of my Junior. Where does the time go? I have always been told that your Junior year is your hardest, but I could never have imagined this. The stressed impressed upon our lives at times seems immeasurable. Throughout my freshmen and sophomore year, I had planned on attending the University of Mobile after graduation and earning my degree in Psychology. After graduation I had planned on living in the Foley or Fairhope area and working as a teen and family counselor. However, during the spring of my Sophomore year I began to second guess these plans. I felt that God had different plans for me. I could feel God pulling me towards the Education field, but my stubborn self would not accept God's plans. It was also during my Sophomore year that I discovered my love for reading. It took some pushing, but after a teacher convinced me to read one of our novels for school, The Good Earth, I was hooked. It is now one of my greatest joys in life. In May, I was privileged to attend the Alabama HOBY seminar, although at first i considered it a burden. It was at HOBY that God confirmed His call for my life. I knew that I would major in Secondary Education and God would get me through. God would grow a desire for this in my heart and He did just that once I finally accepted His plan. The next thing I began to consider was what would I want to teach, what would I study? It was also at HOBY that a speaker would encourage me to study English and Literature. I knew it was a God thing, because this person didn't even know me, yet they felt God wanted them to tell me this. Could things be any plainer? Well once again I thought I had things figured out. Then our class was able to attend College Day. As I spoke with the representative from University of Moible, I realized my tuition was going to be astronomical, but I knew that wherever God wanted me, He would provide a way. As I walked around, for some reason I walked over to the Judson College table. I had skipped it already because I wasn't really interested in an all girls college, but for some reason I went back. After speaking with the woman I was informed that because of my ACT, my tuition, room and board, everything would be covered. I was speechless. Was this God's answer? Was this God telling me something? His way of providing? Honestly, I am still not sure. I am praying about it and will continue to do so for the next year, but I have a feeling my plans have changed. This isn't what I envisioned, but I trust God to reveal His plans in time.